You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
