Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
