You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
