I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
