you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
