at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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