Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
