When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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