a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
