I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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