Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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