my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
