There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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