I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
