i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
