Im at strip club and am horny
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
