i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
