That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
