So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
