Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
