just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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