Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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