How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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