I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
