He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
