True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
