Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
