Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
