I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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