I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
