look no pants
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
