What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
