Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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