Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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