SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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