Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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