You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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