the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
