FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
