I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
