Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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