i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
