I think I am morally bankrupt
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
