I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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