the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
