I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
