We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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