giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
