My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
