My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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