i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
