Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
