So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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