Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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